How to create a successful new religion

[DMB]

Imagine we want to create a religion from scratch that will be massively successful in terms of ending up with a very large number of adherents, something that is often used to suggest that the religion must have divine support. Anyway, that is what I mean by successful. I don't imply anything about truthfulness or niceness.

So I'd like to ask people to suggest elements of doctrine that will make the religion successful in those terms.

I'll start by stealing an idea from Islam:


Any apostates must be killed by the faithful believers.

[Anne]

Have lots of kids and disown them if they leave the faith.

[Ray Moscow]

You'll need to draw in earlier traditions, repackage them, and then assert that your new revelation is merely what the old ones really taught before they were misunderstood or distorted by apostates.

As in Christianity, Islam, Mor(m)onism, etc.

Also, you need some sort of great afterlife for the faithful and punishment of the unbelievers (for those the faithful were not able to punish themselves).

[DMB]

Have lots of kids and disown them if they leave the faith.

Nah. Just kill them, preferably by stoning.

[Copernicus]

If you want Americans to join, you must figure out a clever ponzi scheme for them to invest in.

[Mung Dynasty]

Nah. Just kill them, preferably by stoning.

Couldn't we boil them in oil instead? I mean stoning is so passe.

[Christina]

W.C.Fields already did that so you'll have to try again.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

The central divine figure(s) doesn't like Group Y, where Group Y happens to consist of the kinds of people the would-be followers of the new religion don't like

ETA: Oh balls to formatting this correctly!

[Joykins]

If you believe this properly, you'll get rich.

[Mung Dynasty]

You should offer them sex on certain terms too. Religions always work by restricting access to sex.

Also some fucking good coffee wouldn't go astray. Everyone loves a fucking good coffee, except for those unfortunates who suffer from Down's Syndrome or criminal insanity, or veganism (which is worse).

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Also some fucking good coffee wouldn't go astray. Everyone loves a fucking good coffee, except for those unfortunates who suffer from Down's Syndrome or criminal insanity, or veganism (which is worse).

As I understand it, that would just (re)create Unitarian/Universalists.

Uthgar the Criminally Insane

[Brother Daniel]

Also some fucking good coffee wouldn't go astray. Everyone loves a fucking good coffee, except for those unfortunates who suffer from Down's Syndrome or criminal insanity, or veganism (which is worse).
Now I know what's wrong with me! w00t!

[Ray Moscow]

Also some fucking good coffee wouldn't go astray. Everyone loves a fucking good coffee, except for those unfortunates who suffer from Down's Syndrome or criminal insanity, or veganism (which is worse).

The Episcopal church basically operates on coffee, with the occasional use of the Book of Common Prayer.